Tuesday, May 09, 2006

My wife liked an Uchiyama Aki episode!

That's no small feat considering she ran away from the parrot sex episode.

A little bit of background: I love hentai. I have since I was about 14, grabbed an English dubbed copy of Legend of the Overfiend, walked up to the Saturday Matine counter and bought it without issue. Good job keeping minors away from porno there fellas! Urotsukidoji was a life changing event. Sure, it was anime porn, but it was much more than that. To this day it remains one of the best anime ever produced, and literally no other title I've ever seen has come close to changing my perception on it. Theatrical quality animation that did everything that every action series after it would only ape, a complex allegorical story about culture clash and sexual desire that would make any literature teacher weep tears from his pants, H.R. Giger inspired Freudian nightmares who's sexual molestation and mutilation are always an integral part of the storytelling, and even a never ending host of sequels which would get progressively worse until we got to an OVA so horrible that it's producers have neither licensed it outside of Japan, or even acknowledged it's existance since. I know better, but what I'm trying to say here is that despite 99.8% of the population thinking hentai is just retarded pr0n, there's a hand full of it that's simply masterpiece theatre with cocks in the frame. NOT all of it. There's plenty of hentai which deserves it's unsavory reputation for being badly drawn misogynist wank fodder with little to no socially redeeming value (and sometimes even titles I like - Bible Black, for instance - can be guilty of just this). But to understand where hentai as an art form is now, we must first understand where it came from, and as such I've dedicated at least a small part of my life to seeing and understanding the most revolutionary titles there are in the genre.

1984. Nikkatsu studios, made famous for their Pinku Eiga (Pink Movies - epic and high budgeted soft porn) in the 1970's, began to invade the growing home video market, with both low budget shot on video porno (like Za Goumon), and Original Video Animation which would push the boundaries of not only animation as an art form, but what the brave new world of home video would legally allow. While a lot of people think of the first OVA's as the "lost" episodes of Mobile Suit Gundam and Megazone 23, the very first OVA's to the best of anyone's knowledge that I've spoken to/read the works of was actually the LOLITA WONDER KIDS' ANIME and the UCHIYAMA AKI LOLITA ANIME, both released in 1984 a mere 2 months apart for their respective premier episodes. While the Wonder Kids' show was produced by a brand new studio, Nikkatsu was perhaps taking a big risk in doing this Uchiyama Aki series, and thank God they did. I own an artbook of the Wonder Kids' series, and while it's high quality and has nice artwork and all that... it's basically normal porn. Romance, rape, bondage, mystery. It's good - or at least the cel's are, and you can be moderately amused in between wanking, a fundamental trick more and more porn (animated and otherwise) is slowly but surely abandoning. But nothing, absolutely nothing you've ever seen before can prepare you for the total mind fuck that's to come in the Uchiyama Aki anime series.

Wait, what's this I see as I'm writing this up?! Oh, this is f*cking hilarious:

Damnit John! Seriously, I want to talk about something nobody knows shit about and he crops up doing what he does best: giving more facts than I know without having actually seen the stupid thing. Ah well. Read his stuff if you're bored. While I don't generally agree with his opinions and critique, his insight in to the facts behidn anime production and the like are pretty facinating.

So, what's so weird about the Uchiyama Aki series? Episode 1, Obyouki Aki-chan (Aki-chan Feels Sick) is literally the demented fantasy of some creep jerking off in the park while he watches a little girl play on the jungle gym. How demended? She gets stripped nude by a 2 headed Colonel Sanders who force feeds her pie while a snake eats her vaginal secretions. Then she walks up a giant piano key staircase and gets frenched by R2-D2 with a microphone penis who shows het that she'll be a slut when she grows up. Then, to get home in time for dinner, she has to give her future self - a blonde shemale, of course - a blowjob, who turns in to a giant black dude who butt rapes her while the universe flows through his being. Somewhere along the line she rides a synapse roller coaster which shoots through Godzilla bad guys. And this is after she gets attacked by space sperm. I think. This sums up exactly why hentai animation existed in it's earliest form: it was less an excuse to feature 8 year old starlets (though that was a part of it, sure) and more just the perfect way to cram 50 fetishes in to 20 minutes without requiring a massive budget. Some of the stuff in this show is sexy. Some of it - the roller coaster especially - is just damned funny. The whole point of these early OVA's were to entertain, in every concievable manner, and the Uchiyama Aki series excelled at that and then some.

The first episode just makes my wife roll her eyes and wonder what the hell I'm on for loving it. The third episode OMORASHI GOKKO (Peeing Together) - as promised - makes her run like hell. What's it about? Uh... bear with me here. A girl who's like, 4, is left with her uncle while her parents are on business. She looks sorta' like Link from the original Zelda video game too. Yep'. So uncle is a mad scientist who's... made a ray that captures colors? I honestly don't know. What I do know is he has this giant scary-ass parrot, who Aki despises. (All the girls are named Uchiyama Aki. Which makes as much sense as anything in these episodes.) Uncle leaves to go shopping, she screws with the parrot who gets out... strips her, and then beak rapes her. She ends up freaking out and killing the parrot with the color beam. Uncle goes crazy, fills the kid up with bird seed 'till she's fat, gives her an enema and rapes her, and then feels awful about it. She shows him it's OK, and with the help of the rubber hoses of the color machine thing has sex with her uncle. In space. And turns him in to a baby. And makes him pee flavored tuna. And then blows up her parents on the plane with her evil mind powers. I swear to God this isn't some freaky acid flashback: I have the tape, and my wife can testify that at least the parrot part happened. She ditched me at that point, but... she knows. Yes, she knows.

I don't know what kind of drugs that the original mangaka Uchiyama Aki was injecting in to her eyeballs, but it must have been some pretty good shit, because after hawt parrot secks I don't think I can go back to anything else. So after having burned out my brain cel's on this messed up madness, the last episode (to me anyway - the actual order was Aki-Chan Feels Sick, then Milk Drinking Doll, and finally Peeing Together), MIRUKU NOMI NINGYOU (Milk Drinking Doll) just has to be the pinnacle of funked, doesn't it? Huh?

Nope. But to be fair, after 2 headed Colonel Sanders, what else can you possibly do to surprise your audience?

I fully plan on bootlegging the crap out of these shows when my workload is less horrendous, and I can tell you with the opening and closing kanji stories I'm not looking forward to translating those. Maybe my buddy's Korean translator can help me out. But anyway, the story takes place in 1922, and the star Aki's father s away in the navy. She lives with her mother, goes to school, reads manga in her spare time, and despite missing her daddy seems like a happy enough kid. She also has a crush on a little boy who, being a little boy, is a bit of a twerp, and finds herself drawn to a foreign girl named Sonya, though she can't for the life of her figure out why. Things are going well enough... until as she's getting dressed, she discovers that she's growing fuzz on her cha-cha. This leads to one of many hilarious - and stunning - scenes of self exploration that, if not filled to the brim with suprisingly great 1980's animation, would just come off as hilarious. Don't get me wrong, I laughed on the long, slow pan down along Aki's body, but the talent and creativity it took to make this miniscule camera literally crawl between her breasts all the way down to her crotch is nothing short of genius. Like Disney or even John K. level stuff. But with vaginas. This, being so old, is also one of the VERY few hentai productions which was allowed to not only show vaginas uncensored, but also pubic hair. (There is no penis this episode - sorry ladies, but they're dealt with different each time in the rest of the series.)

So after picturing her mom naked as she serves dinner, for no apparent reason other than natural curiosity I assume, Aki goes off to the balet. While there she follows Sonya who goes off to service an older gentleman, at which point she's attacked by panties. Seriously, a woman we never really get to see pounces her with her skirt, and rubs her rather lovely pantied crotch - and butt - all over the poor kid's head. While if I were in her situaion I'd probably take it and like it, the girl gets predictably freaked and runs, in to a room filled with BJD's. For those who don't know, BJD is a Ball Jointed Doll; basically a scale human you can build, paint, and make clothing for. But BJD's kick Barbie's injected molded Malibu Ass (MT), being hand cast in cold reisen with removable glass eyes, an elastic tension construction, and more often than not you can swap heads, hands, wigs, whatever you want and basically have a little silent human to follow you around. Assuming you're willing to bring your doll in public, with prices ranging from $100 for an 8" toddler doll to anywhere from $500 to $2,000 for a 24" model. I know because my wife builds clothing for them, makes devil horns (which rock) for them, and more importantly in the same way that DVD studios own my ass, the doll companies have every single dollar she makes ear marked for things ranging from shoes and eyes to doll beds and Mister Super Clear.

I bring this up because, naturally, things get kinky. Aki can't move, and Sonya strips her and poses her, like a doll, while the animated plastic children around her get up and coo about what dirty poses she's making. The best part of this experience - aside from my wife not wanting to vomit, I mean - is the sound effect. When ever Sonya is moving her arms and legs, there's a bizarre scraping, clicking sound. Which is the exact sound that coated reisen makes on a BJD. The first mass producers of dolls was Volks, which started in 1998, so where these guys got perfect BJD sound effects 14 years prior I'll perhaps mercifully never know.

Anyway, this being an Aki video Sonya gets bored of posing her and goes to town, and then leaves her to get molested by Aki's dad. About this time Aki snaps back to reality, the whole disturbing and erotic story having been but an idle fantasy. Aw. Damnit.

So the next day she's walking around with The Boy, and they remember their times together. Most of which involves them being toddlers running naked on the beach. This leads to Aki grabbing his wanker - to which the little scamp cries like a bitch - and him marking a sand castle he built. She tries too. It doesn't work, so she gets pissed and trashes the sand castle anyway. Eww, and aww. This scene is probably the cutest goddamn thing on the planet, and even when not viewed in the context of a hentai is just farking lovable. (Or maybe I'm jaded.) So anyway, he remembers the dick grab, and likes her even though she hurt him. So they kiss. Eww/Aww. He then says that for loving him, he'll show her where her father's gone off to, which leads to another aw scene as her shoe breaks, and he carries her up the mountains far away from their village, explaining that their fathers were commrades, and the final shot is Aki overlooking the naval base over the mountain, her eyes wide with wonder.

Then we get another kanji bitchslap I don't want to translate. End of episode.

Hmmm. Compared to plenty of downright boring hentai titles out there, this has it's moments, between the slow-mo pussy crawl shot and the bizarre as hell BJD dream sequence. But more than anything the pacing, costumes, set design and everything else involved plays closer to a Victorian romance with more hardcore material slipped in to spice it all up. There are even facinating shots of Aki and her beau walking through black-and-white backgrounds (while they themselves are in full color), a trick used to a much lesser extent nearly 20 years later in the amazing hentai series Yuuwaku (Temptation). Perhaps made specifically to try and market to an audience looking for romantic and character driven stories that were put off from the non-stop fetish madness of the first episode, Uchiyama Aki's Milk Drinking Doll is a perfectly lovable and high quality piece of genre creating filth. It's just not up to the unexplainable insanity of the other 2 episodes, and for it, isn't nearly as infamous. Rightly so, perhaps, but still worth watching in it's proper context.

Which is sandwiched between 2 Headed Colonel Sanders and Parrot Beak Rape. Man I love doing this.

What will I talk about next time? ...who cares! Just wait and see!

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