Friday, December 22, 2006

Where the hell have I been? Seriously.

Seriously... where did this whole friggin' year go?

If I were on some kind of crazy morality-destroying bender or a road trip across Turkey in a jeep with nothing to my name but a passport and a stolen swine, maybe I'd feel better about seemingly so little having been accomplished over the last several months. But I can't be too sad: I've watched a lot of movies, I've finished a set of subtitles for my legit employer, I've moved at great mental expense and I finished a hellatious project who's mastering and subtitle work took over a year to complete. I'm not saying it wasn't my own fault: rather that, if this new year isn't more productive in comparison, something's horribly wrong with me.

But I've got a lot to work on. With the overwhelming need to open a webstore (as if anyone will give a crap) I've decided to finish two titles very quickly, followed by a title that... well, basically it is done. Just needs some minor subtitle file tweaking and all that authoring jazz that seems to take forever.

With 4 yaoi titles still in print, I've decided to ballance that out with 4 finished hentai titles as well. Yes, both A Girl of Immorality and Urotsukidoji 5: The Final Chapter will get deluxe restored editions sometime in the future, but nobody has to know that right off, do they?

Orgy of the Fallen Angels: Oh my fuck do I love this little OVA. Part of the Super Adult Anime series by Midnight 25 (the same sick bastards who released THE GUINEAPIG videos in the mid 80's), this thing is quite literally unique in both tone and concent. It starts off with a woman gettign abducted by the yakuza, who spend a couple days raping, torturing and generally amusing themselves with her however they see fit. The boss, a fat sweaty mongoloid with a penchant for children, tells his boys (and the requisite lesbian rapist) to contact her sister and leave her young niece to him. The little girl is forced to watch her mother and aunt forced to crap themselves, and after taking her innocence... the kid bites the boss' wanker off and slaughters the yakuza alongside her family.

The lolita version of I Spit on Your Grave, Orgy of the Fallen Angels is animated in a very atypical style that's more inspired by Italian guro-minded fare of the period, using repeating patterns and abstract color to turn what could have been simply a nasty 25 minutes of explitation in to a deliberate and halucinatory work of art. The gore, while not particularly well rendered, is still clever and fun, and it has - without a doubt - the most obscene and hilarious anuses in animation history. It's also one of a small handfull of genuinely lolicon titles to have been spawned in the free-for-all that was the 1980's OVA scene, and alongside the works of Uchiyama Aki and the Cream Lemon production staff, it proves that the genre can interest even non-pedo's. Not to say having a hard-on for massive fat old men raping little girls won't help increase how much fun you'll have.

There are no extras for this, and while I'd love to include the original manga written by "Dirty Matsumoto", I'm not going to hold out for who knows how long on the off-chance that I'll stumble across it. This needs a cover and a menu and it's good to go.

Countdown 2: Ah, Utatane-san... how much do I love your perverted ass? With a fascination for classically beautiful Japanese girls, hermaphrodites, small demure Western styled lasses whipping the hell out of would-be heroes and men randomly getting raped up the butt - sometimes by themselves - he always combined gorgeous stylish artwork with something to make you laugh and/or touch yourself. Utatane Hiroyuki was good like that... unfortunately, he got married and started drawingg non-porno. Or at least stopped doing porn in the same way that Oh!great stopped doing porn and did Tenjou-Tenge. Which is like porn. 'Cept it has blood instead of semen. They're both about people who are in various states of undress making each other grunt and sweat, and the fact that it's fighting rather than fucking is basically irrelevant.

What was I talking about?

Right, Countdown 2. Based on various chapters of his Countdown and Temptation anthologies, the Countdown anime was originally licenced by ADV's now-dead in the water hentai division, Soft Cel, and was recently announced as being owned by Critical Mass who promise to give it new special features and an English dub. Yay. The trouble is Soft Cel only released the first and third episodes. Why would they do that, you're probably not asking? Well, I'll tell you anyhow.

Skullfucking.

The hell you say? It's true: the first episode, entitled KURENAI (Crimson) is about a young, rich man who's introversion to the world has left him a 28 year old virgin with virtually no human contact. He buys a homonculus - no, not a gay European, an artificially created human - and special orders that her hands be moulded in the image of the only woman who ever touched him. He plays with the girl, dressing and admiring her as one would a doll, and considers her a toy: she's blind and mute, after all, and after questining what color eyes a blind creature like her would have, he decided to pluck one from her head and find out.

My life literally ran. Mind you, she has issues with eyeballs in general, but still. She can sit through all of Night Shift Nurses and not this? Damn.

As if that was the end of it? Ha! After flipping out further, our hero stuffs... himself, in to the socket, and loses his mind a bit when he sees his seed pouring down her cheek like tears. He begs her for forgiveness, and closes her fingers around his throat in retribution, recalling the only woman to have ever touched him... his mother, who tried to end his life this way as well.

To say this is atypical of Utatane is an understatement. Regardless, it's a beautiful and surreal experience, and the animated version - while not quite as graphic as the original manga - is arguably superior to the source. While we can never 101% confirm that ADV skipped this for being wank material for objectifying inhuamoid monsters... I think it's a safe bet. And since everyone is currently buying Softcel and CPM's licenses on cheap, we'll see the same masters on these "new and improved" releases of stuff like 90's hentai titles. At this point I can only hope that Rightstuf picks up the license to Urotsukidoji so I can somehow infect them to do a 100% proper release.

Oh, if it makes you feel any better, the second half of the episode called ZUTTO AMAI KUCHIBIRU (Very Sweet Lips) is about a highschool girl and her mother who get humped by her transexual teacher. It also features a pokemon plush toy and the best OMGWTFPEENOR?! gag in hentai history. Even if you absolutely despise Kurenai with all of your non-skullfucking soul, the second half is about as cute as can be, and arguably is like the junior mint you're handed after being force-fed a bucket of pigs feet. If you happen to like both of them, hey, win-win.

With the menus' for these two titles taking top priority on my uh... workload (lazyload?), these should be done in no time. I even have a brief animated intro for Kurenai done, which spoils a lot less than the blog I've just written. Ha, yeah, I'm having fun. Just need to decide if I want to do a full blown set of motion menus' or keep them nice and simple. I guess we'll see. Extras will include the vocal OST in DVD menu form, and the English version of the Eros Comics translation of Utatane's works. Will they be new scans or the same crumy JPG's I read as a horny lad on teh interweb? Depends on if I can find the single issues/have a scanner in my posession when it comes time. There's also an artbook... and I do own it... but much as I love sharing my hentai, I don't have the heart to tear that up. Maybe if I can find another copy on YAJ we'll be all set, but as it stands I think the OST and manga isn't bad. I never claimed this would be an ultimate special edition, just that we'd have unpixelated eye-hole sex, and on that end I plan to deliver in spades.

Also keep your ear out for a goofy easter egg (maybe even an open menu selectable option). Kein spreche ich nicht Deutsches, but it'll be funny anyway, I promise.


After these two quickie's, ANGEL COP. Uh-huh. I don't care if the masters are backed up and Honneamise announces a 4 DVD ultimate edition. It's still coming out. I promise.