And Jesus probably hates you for celebrating it.
We at Kentai Films hope that your special time is filled with family and friends, cheer and laughter, gifts, cash, delicious cake and KFC, armed robbery in accordance with local guidelines, and awkward pity-sex with that chick at the laundromat you're pretty sure was only kidding about having been born a guy... I mean, her tits are too good to be fake, right?
The point is to just enjoy yourself. True, the holidays are just like every other day, but that's all in the mind. Down a couple pints of glögg and you'll be sure to forget all of that common sense blah-blah-bullshit and be humping reindeer with the best of them... that's, where elves come from, right? From filthy reindeer sex? That's why they're all short and pointy eared? But I thought... oh, really? Uh...
...you know what, fuck it, I'm out. Merry Whatever, boys and girls!