THE YEAR IS 2007 IT IS THE FUTURE
Can't say I've ever played the FARCRY games up until now. Not that I was unaware of their existence, and the more I saw of the most recent third installment - and heard of war stories from my work pal about how he basically fire-bombed a pirate hovel which then ran out only to be eaten by tigers - but it sounded like a fun thing I should pick up once it's hit that magical $30 price point. Sorry, game industry, but unless you're stuffing it in a lunch box covered in bobbies or happen to be about a 30 year old cartoon franchise I adore, odds are I can wait until you've reached the 50% off mark... which these days is usually 6 months or less, anyway.
My familiarity with this franchise jumped up a billion points, however, when a friend of mine said I needed to check out the soundtrack to the game's upcoming downloadable single-player spinoff, BLOOD DRAGON. The chintzy looking OFFICIAL WEBSITE (check out that store!) opened on April 1st, leaving most of the vaguely interested internet to shrug it off as an oddly elaborate April Fools Day prank... but a few days later official government age ratings, trophy lists, and XBOX LIVE dashboard images popped up as well, suggesting one of two things: Either this was the single most elaborate April Fools announcement ever, or it might be an actual thing.
Far as everyone can tell this is set to drop on May first on multiple gaming platforms, there's a couple of enticing SCREEN SHOTS, and if you aren't worried this nonsense can stick the landing, they even cast Michael Biehn. That's right, Michael Biehn in a role that's neither Aliens nor Terminator related - whooda' thought! Far as everyone can tell the game has some charming 8-bit cut scenes, and the actual aesthetic of the actual FPS gameplay appears to be somewhere between Radioactive Dreams and and 2019: After the Fall of New York in terms of garish post-nuke chic soaked in enough neon to choke a mall tour, giving no quarter to the brown and bland look that's infected the overwhelming majority of "gritty" first person games for about the last decade. It's hard to say at this point if the game will be a playful revival of legitimate cheesy 80s greatness, or just play this all as a bit of an out and out parody - that fine like that separated Jason Eisener's Hobo with a Shotgun from Astron 6's Father's Day - but in either case they have my undivided attention.
But what really sold me on this silly thing was the soundtrack, which you can OFFICIALLY SAMPLE at the band's Sound Cloud page. The best part? The band (Composer? Robot? Monkey with a silver ear?) is named "Power Glove". If you can hear Warzone and not immediately feel like the world is a better place for it, you and I are on totally different wavelengths. I don't think I've ever been prepared to throw dollar bills at my monitor based solely on the goddamn soundtrack, but if there's ever been a time, this is it.
I love the future.